All too often “no” is the answer I receive when I ask colleagues, people I coach, and other professionals if they have a mentor. When I dig a little deeper, I usually hear things like:

“I want a mentor, but I'm not sure who to ask.”
“My company doesn’t have a mentor program.”
“I wanted to ask this person, but she’s very busy.”
“I don't know how to ask someone to be my mentor.”

Have you found yourself saying any of these things? If so, you’re not alone, and I’d like to help you move past these dilemmas, so you can reap the benefits of having a mentor. Regardless of what stage you are in your career, mentors are wonderful resources to challenge you and they can be great sounding boards for feedback on performance, projects, ideas, leadership challenges, etc. In some cases, mentors can even become champions for your career.

Although securing a mentor can be as simple as making the ask, here are 10 important tips to keep in mind before, and as, you approach someone to be your mentor.

Be Selective: Select a person who you respect and who is respected by others, not just someone you like or who is very charismatic. The person you choose should have a track record of success in the area in which you want to grow.
Consider Their Availability: Take into consideration the person’s schedule and availability. If the person has a notoriously busy schedule, travels a lot, and seems to always be on the go, it is possible she is not the best match. That said, sometimes an executive may take an interest in your career because she was involved in hiring you, for example. If that is the case, she may make time for you. Bottomline, be cognizant of the situation, so you select a mentor who can be consistently available.
Avoid Individuals within Your Direct Reporting Relationships: If you plan to ask someone who works at the same company as you, make sure he is outside of your immediate work area/unit/department. You want someone you can use as a sounding board (always using professional communication, of course). If your mentor is in or near your direct reporting relationships, this can create an uncomfortable situation for you and him. For example, you would not want to ask your one-over director to be your mentor, so you can learn to “manage up” with your challenging manager.
Maintain a Formal Business Relationship: You will benefit most from a mentor if you treat it as a formal business relationship that has structure to it. This can help ensure regular and consistent access to your mentor, as she will likely appreciate your consideration for her time and schedule. It is also a great way to secure a future professional reference or even a future position. The types of questions you ask, the kinds of challenges you bring forth for discussion, and your overall demeanor will communicate your commitment to top performance, your drive to develop, and your overall professionalism. These are all ways to make a great impression on your mentor, which may be key to landing future positions.
Communicate What You Hope to Gain: It is possible that the individual you approach to be your mentor has not been in a formal mentoring relationship before. As a result, he may not be sure how to provide you with the best support. You can take that burden off his shoulders by telling him exactly what you hope to gain from the mentor/mentee relationship, and the types of things you plan to bring to him for guidance. Do not leave it up to your mentor to figure this out. Here are a few examples:
- You’re working on a project and you would like another opinion on your project plan, meeting agendas, and performance improvement results.
- You are new to a leadership role, and you need a sounding board for managing difficult employees on your team.
- You want to move into a leadership role, and you would like to discuss several topics related to improving your business acumen (provide several topic ideas).
- You would like a mentor to critique the new scorecard/system of accountability you are setting up on your team.
- You would like to choose a business/management book to read/discuss with your mentor.
Communicate the Time Involved: When you ask someone to be your mentor, be specific about what you are seeking. Let your mentor know how often you would like to meet/chat. Are you seeking a mentor for feedback with a project or would you like a mentor for a certain timeframe, like 6 or 12 months? Also, how often do you want to meet? One to two meetings per month would be typical and reasonable. Also share how long you would like each meeting to be. For example, if you are meeting once per month, you could ask to meet over lunch for one hour.
Schedule the Meetings in Advance: Once you have a commitment, send your mentor meeting requests to formally capture time in their calendar. When possible, send a recurring meeting request to lock in the date and time on a regular schedule. This demonstrates your commitment to this relationship for your development and respect for her time.
Discuss Communication between Meetings: Even though you may agree with your mentor to meet once per month over lunch, you may have other questions in the meantime. Check with your mentor to see if you can reach out with questions between meetings via email, text message, or phone. This will help ensure you do not overwhelm your mentor, and that you also gain the guidance you are seeking.
Remember, Mentors Also Benefit from This Relationship: Remember, most people are flattered when asked to be a mentor, so unless they've already been asked to mentor several other people, or they have a busy schedule, it is very likely that they will be happy to work with you. In addition, when we coach, we learn. Even though the mentor may not share what they’ve gained from the relationship, rest assured, the process of mentoring provides many learning opportunities.
Thank Your Mentor: It is always a great practice to say thank you to those who aid in your development. I strongly encourage the use of handwritten notes/cards. With the advent of email, text messages, and social media, the written word has taken a back seat. There is nothing that will impress your mentor more than if you take the time to handwrite a thank you note to thank her for her role in your development. You may do this after she agrees to be your mentor, after a couple months of meetings, or when your formal mentor/mentee relationship comes to an end. Only you can determine the best time to do this; just be sure you do. It will go a long way.

Best wishes in your search for a mentor! If you have questions regarding this topic, please email me at caroline@gratiamdev.com.

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